Let us speak of comics, and LO: how they be terrible. After last month’s unholy onslaught of suck hit my inbox at the legendary Action Island, I decided I’d start New Year’s off right: by dropping the things I’ve been buying, mindlessly, for months.
First, what got the Booster Gold seal of approval?
Well, first off, uh, Booster Gold. Like Cud’n Fury, I’m not sure about the grim’n’gritty Rip Hunter, but—I’m having fun with this, at least a little bit. I wasn’t that bowled over with the Killing Joke issue, but the end—with Dan Garrett Beetle, Jaimie Beetle, and OMG ALEX ROSS BEETLE showing up to save the life of Ted Kord? All in.
Let’s play multiple choice. In the past few issues, readers of Green Lantern and the Green Lantern Corps have seen:
a) The Corps fight a sentient city and an intelligent and evil smallpox virus;
b) The “black ops” Green Lanters—the Corpse;
c) Learned that there may be other Lanterns on the horizon, like the Indigo Lanterns and the Black Lanterns;
d) The resurrection of Coast City as “the city without fear;”
e) All of the above.
Yep: e. Also: MIND BLOWN. Perfectly-done superhero comics, although I still refuse to call Hal “Highball.” And check out GLC for great, sturdy art with lots of heavy black inking, warped perspective, and weird aliens.
The Justice Society of America continues to highlight the Golden Age foundation of the DC Universe, and coupled with the mysterious crossover from Earth-22 of Brooding Alex Ross Superman, who I guess Power Girl is in love with or sad about or . . . okay, the plot is muddled, but I generally like the characters. I don’t really know what’s going on right now, it’s a little blurry, but hey: Vandal Savage got run over by a fire truck! Beat that, Von Doom!
I dropped Blue Beetle not long after it started, bored by the plodding un-plot and the expansive cast of characters that made me think I was reading the old Blue Beetle or El Diablo or something. Then I realized that, hey! I loved the old Blue Beetle! And El Diablo is vastly overlooked! And I needed something wholesome, what with all the arm-ripping and blood-splashing in Green Lantern Corps (it is a military book, after all). Jaimie Reyes IS Peter Parker 2008, which is fine by me.
Whoa! You say that the Levitz Legion is back in Action Comics? And that Gary Frank is handling the art? I can’t wait to see Superman with his flight ring on, traveling through time to help the Legion battle future-menaces like . . . wait. Hey, a dystopian earth future? Where we round up all aliens as . . . and the Legion is hunted and . . . red sun, so no super-powers, so that’s convenient, and . . . why are all the girls’ faces that Gary draws now so dang creepy? Okay, look, Action: I’ve bought three issues of you, more than I have since I was thirteen. Stop sucking FAST, and bring me a future filled with wonder and adventure. You do know how to do that, right? It’s called “fun.” Look it up, and gimme a splash of Haney and Swan to help it go down easy.
Dystopian future where the Legion is hunted. Blerk. That’s called that series Keith Giffen did better in 1989, until it all fell apart, y’all. Get on it.
I am still subscribed to the Justice League of America, but Dwayne McDuffie’s run has been an absolute disaster (THX FOR THE REC, FURY). And the art . . . MEIN EYEZ, ZIE OUCHEN, I think is how they say it in “Ye Olde Deutsche.” I read the latest issue last night, and? I don’t remember one single panel.* I confess to being enchanted by the Meltzer issues, but this is on life support. It’s got two more months do see if the stories get any better . . . and if there’s ever any backgrounds.
*Admittedly, I was quite drunk at the time.
Now . . . what got droppified?? Or, as we call it at gorjus HQ, X-FORCED?!
First up, Jonah Hex. This was overdue. Strong, Tothy art (with occasional bouts of Severinitis) kept me hanging around long after getting sick of the constant threat of sexual assault that looms large in any DC comic (thanks, Brad Meltzer!). I find myself pining for the bizarro Lansdale/Truman Confederate Jonah, and any new work that makes you angry for buying it and longing for the past needs to get X-FORCED
When the Authority was launched with Apollo and Midnighter as a very-out Superman and Batman, I had a blast. You couldn’t go wrong with the Hitch or Quitely art, and then . . . well, the fun dwindled, and dwindled fast. But the new Midnighter solo series started promising, with an Ennis romp through time to kill Hitler. After that, Brian K. Vaughan had a great issue that was told backwards, and then things got extremely X-Forced. I’ve always been a Keith Giffen fan—more for the art than the writing—but his tale of small-town Anthem and . . . crap, it’s just muddy. I have no idea what’s going on, it’s interminable, and worse, it’s BORING. So: X-FORCED
I am ashamed to write this—as a literate person with volumes of Kirby, Ditko, and Hernandez on my shelves—but . . . I bought the Ultimates 3. I know, it’s horrifying. But I kind of like bits of the other Ultimates series—complete trash, but fun, well-drawn trash—and so I said, eh, why not? AND LO, I WAS PUNISHED. Many pixels have been spilled decrying Joe Casey’s utter failure to “write,” or Joe Mad’s ability to “draw,” or the colorist having the ability to turn off the “muddy” filter. But what struck me was the first page—and I’ll not reproduce it here—but let me describe the scene:
It has been revealed that a tape was recorded of Iron Man and his former fiancee, the double-agent Black Widow. A sexy tape. Which has leaked onto the internets, one supposes. Okay, fine—a splash of real life and all that, but I’d think that a billionaire super-hero had better security than say, Ray J. So the Avengers are having a meeting and on a giant full-wall screen behind them they’re watching the tape, or at least clips from it.
Look, I don’t know how you guys deal with your friends, but if I had a buddy who was engaged to a super-villain who literally stabbed him in the back, killed his longtime manservant, helped orchestrate the temporary overthrow of America, and was then murdered in cold blood by another friend . . . ? Yeah, I’m not hanging out with him watching a bootleg VHS of her going down on him. Not only ‘cuz, you know, I’d feel weird about it, but I’d suspect that OMG NOBODY WOULD EVER DO THAT.
X-FORCED
Great rundown! OK, I guess I’m really going to have to overcome my distaste for Geoff Johns and pick up this whole Sinestro Corps storyline in Green Lantern—I’ve heard too many good things about it from people whose judgment I trust. Then again, I bought those Meltzer JLAs based on the judgment of someone I trust whose name rhymes with “gorgeous.” And they weren’t good. Nor, you’re right, have the McDuffie issues been—such a disappointment.
You’ve been talking about dropping Jonah Hex as long as I’ve known you. Your dad sent me a box full of super 8 home films of you as a toddler wearing footied pajamas and talking about dropping Jonah Hex.
Wait—is Driq in the Green Lantern Corpse? He’d be sort of perfect for it. Surely continuity-hound Johns has dug him up? Man, I would buy that book for Driq alone. This may be a more shameful admission than the Kickers, Inc thing in the last comments thread.
I am curious but cautious about Jim Shooter on the Legion—are you going to check that out?
Also, Jeph Loeb stunk up the comics shop with Ultimates 3 #1, not Joe Casey.
Why yes, I am a pedant. Did you want to inquire about membership in our brotherhood?
I am frankly a little horrified at how cavalier I was about that. Once upon a time, I slavishly aspired to know who was the best inker for John Byrne (Terry Austin, of course), who lettered what (the Orz and the Klein, tops in my book), and always, always to know who wrote the book.
But times have changed, and unless I already know the artist or writer, I’m losing a little bit of my enthusiasm. Heck, I didn’t even namecheck the current GLC artist, he of the heavy blacks and great angles—that would be the strong and still improving Patrick Gleason. And Dale Eaglesham lends a similarly sturdy look to the old folks in JSA.
But I do apologize to Joe Casey for thinking he sucked so bad he could have written Ultimates 3. But wait, did you read his Ultimate FF??
Um . . . if I did I don’t remember. I read some of Mike Carey’s Ultimate FF, but that’s alongabout when I dropped it. I liked Joe Casey’s Fantastic Four: First Family series, and I always feel like I should really be into Godland, though I’m not, quite.
I got that mixed up too, didn’t I?
Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.
luckily no one but you two know when the other screws up your comic geek out history
I thought literary guilt was over with for me. I thought I had vanquished that holdover from my long-ago college. I thought I would never read another comic book for anything but mindless fun.
Now you two go and KNOW all this stuff and I’m sitting here asking myself, “I read comix too. Why don’t I know this stuff?”
Don’t tell me it’s just because you are comic geeks of the highest order. I will know you are only trying to make me feel better.
Dead right about The Authority, though. BO RING. I loved it at first, despite what I thought was rather a juvenile attachment to kicking people’s heads off or otherwise removing them. But man they have got serious about themselves.