Executrix!

faked by Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

A conversation which occurred the morning of October 9, 2007.

Gorjus: WHAT UP
want to be my executrix?
Sally: omg you’re chatting
Gorjus: i know it’s HOT
Sally: i want to be anything that ends with trix

Gorjus: Executrixie
having a will drawn up today
Sally: awesome. i would love to be your executrix.
Gorjus: basically at this point it’s like “pay off Citibank and let Sally figure out the rest”
Sally: do i get to execute you?
Gorjus: YES
Sally: AWES
i told the internet about the knocked upness.
Gorjus: NO WAY WHEN
Sally: last night. when people i don’t actually know start telling me congrats, it’s time to tell the internet.
Sally: thank you for saying i look amazing.
i think having twin kittens would be kind of rad.
Gorjus: I saw you two weeks ago! I refrained from saying that “you were glowing” for fear of cliche backlash
Sally: now that the vomiting has started, i actually do look a little rosier.
Gorjus: I’m just glad you’re not “fifteen and pregnant”
Gorjus: Okay, help me estimate the value of all my stuff. Uh, $10k?
Sally: eh, i could probably get at least that just for your comic books alone
you have artwork, “collectibles,” computer, shitty car, etc.
Gorjus: haw haw
Sally: i’d say $20 just for good measure
Gorjus: okay, $10,020
Gorjus: i’m giving roy my el camino! SUCKER
Sally: is it an art piece now?
Gorjus: You get “Any and all books, letters, postcards, diaries, journals, sketchbooks, or correspondence of any type, including any electronically saved correspondence; in addition, any and all contents of whatever personal computers or other digital archiving devices in my possession”
Sally: omg! that’s the best part!
Sally: i will catalog it all and then write a book about it.
after i execute you.
Gorjus: Yeah yeah! “And then he had all these different Conan books.”
Sally: i’ll let prof. fury write the chapter on the comic books. otherwise it would be one line.
Sally: do I have to take that shitty microwave cart from the kitchen?
because i’m leaving that on the curb.
Gorjus: I will send you a copy of the will when it is done
Sally: I AM SO IMPORTANT
you are leaving me better stuff than my dad is. i read his will when i was 14 or so. i’m getting a freaking dining room suite.
Gorjus: that sucks
but you have to dig through all my junk
Sally: which is 80 million times more preferable to a dining room suite
what about all the arm hair that will be left under the furniture?
i could donate it to arm locks of love.
there are cold, hairless arms out there who need protective coverings.
Gorjus: p.s. if I get offed tomorrow you get my bank account, too, sucker
Sally: but what will i do with that $.30?
Gorjus: I am totally posting this

5 Responses to “Executrix!”

  1. I think “Executrix” will be the hottest Halloween costume of the ‘07 season. All you need is some tight black vinyl clothes and a legal pad. And maybe one of those green visors.

  2. Dr. Wagner says:

    Green visors? Is she taking bets at the races?

  3. Maybe! But I had an image of an accountant working the books late at night, trying to get the creditors paid and the books to balance . . .

  4. roy says:

    I thought getting the el camino was cool . . .

  5. poobou says:

    This is the part that made me laugh the most:

    “i’ll let prof. fury write the chapter on the comic books. otherwise it would be one line.”

    Hee hee!