Gonzales Pie.

faked by Monday, April 9th, 2007

For this delicious and spicy dish, you’ll need 14 ingredients (integrity not needed).

01. Vegetable cooking spray
02. 1 1/2 cups sliced green onions (roughly one package)
03. 1 green bell pepper, chopped into bite-size pieces
04. 2 garlic cloves, minced
05. 1 1/2 cups frozen whole-kernel corn
06. 1/2 cup chunky picante sauce (I use Paul Newman’s)
07. 2 tablespoons minced fresh cilantro
08. The juice of one lime
09. 2 (16-ounce or 15.5 ounce) cans of pinto beans, drained
10. 2 medium tomatoes, chopped
11. 2 or 3 9-inch pie plates (you may want to get two of those extra-large ones if you like cheese)
12. A lotta good hot sauce
13. Cheddar cheese, freshly shredded
14. Sour cream (optional)

01. Coat a nonstick skillet with cooking spray, and go ahead and coat a big saucepan with one, too.
02. Lie to your companion that you did not coat the nonstick skillet with cooking spray, even if they saw you do it. Advanced cooks: prepare a memorandum describing how you have never coated a skillet with cooking spray and resent any implications that you have.
02. Heat the skillet on medium-high heat until hot.
03. Tell your companion that the skillet is not hot. Convince them to place their hand in the skillet. When they are burned, warn them (preferably with a sneer on your face) that burned hands result from not supporting the Global War on Terror.™
03. Add green onions, bell pepper, and garlic.
04. Sauté 3 minutes or until tender.
05. Heat up the saucepan while you’re doing this and then dump in your sauteed goodies.
06. Stir in corn and next 5 ingredients (sauce through tomato, 06-10).
07. Cook until heated, dumping in tons of hot sauce or salt and pepper or however you like it.
08. If your companion asks how the dish is coming along, refuse to answer. If they pry, report them to the authorities. Explain that you are concerned about how interested they are in your perfectly legal activities. Remember, if you see something suspicious, report it!
09. Remove the vegetable mixture from heat; set aside, but keep warm.
10. Bake pie shells at 475° for 10 minutes or until puffed and browned.
11. Spoon half of the veggie mixture into each pie shell and sprinkle generously with cheese and (if you feel like it) some of the leftover chunky picante sauce.
12. Bake at 475° for a few minutes or until the cheese melts.
13. Cut each pie into 6 pieces and (if you dig it) garnish with sour cream.
14. If your companion asks if the food is ready, lie to them and explain that you had to throw it all away. As you begin eating, protest vigorously if they demand to know why you lied to them and why they can’t have any. Explain that you never lied, but rather always acted in their best interests.

Serve immediately, but refrigerates well. No murder boards allowed. Makes two or three pies depending on how thick you lay down the goods.

Adapted freely from the legendary “Mexican Vegetable Pie” crafted by the good folks at Cooking Light, and the ongoing failures and corruption within the Bush Administration.

6 Responses to “Gonzales Pie.”

  1. mavis says:

    Patriotism is tasty!

  2. jaysus says:

    We having this tonight for dinner, right after we attend the Pro-Imus rally (organized by Paul Gallo and Larry Nesbit) at Smith Park!

  3. Scandalicious!


  4. Sally says:

    Mmm! I’m going to eat mine while under oath AND on the record, just to mix things up!

  5. Mr. Mooch says:

    lordy. i need to be pardoned!

  6. plok says:

    I’ll be eating mine behind closed doors, and with no transcripts!