Today I got some PrettyFakes hate-mail. In its glorious entirety:
To: Gorjus
From: Sally
Subject: You Should Probably...just give up your website. I could save myself several hours a week if I didn’t have to check every 5 minutes to see if you’ve posted something.
So she’s not just sick, she’s mean!
I keep meaning to vow that I’ll post everyday; I’ve done it before, and it lasted six or seven minutes before I broke it. But, eh, if it makes Sally happy, I’ll post utter trash five days a week!
First off will be the following “cartoon”: like actual real live artists, I tend to sketch out drawerings before I go over them with ink. Last nite I attempted this process, but due to the true-life exploits chronicled—which had happened about twenty minutes before—I couldn’t quite finish it up.
Here is the script, as near as I can figure:
Setting: W.C. Don’s, Tuesday night, midnightish.
Jaysus: Gorjus, I think you’ve had enough.
Gorjus: OOTAH!!
Caption: Ten minutes later, in Don’s baffroom:
Gorjus: (vomiting) BLIZZORG!!
Caption: Even l8r
DJ Patrick: Should we call an ambulance?
Jaysus: Son, it is so RAD that somebody barfed in [here tonite.]
The script is culled from true-life events and also this telling exchange of text messages with Jaysus around 1:00 a.m.:
Jaysus: It is so AWESOME that you barfed in here tonight! Seriously.
Gorjus: I am so ashamed.
Jaysus: Do not be ashamed, my child!
Gorjus: I love Jesus!
Yeah. Yeah, I don’t know what was really going down with that, either. Just remember, kids: Budweiser + Sparks Plus (with even more sugar!!) + Goldschlager = BLIZZORG!! (Also: HORK).
ahhh, the magnificent glory of wc don’s! i doubt it’s been cleaned up yet. i really liked how you kind of wiped your mouth off and kept right on talking to mr. satsuma, like nothing had happened…
and! it was a watermelon pucker-infused woo-woo that sent you over the edge…
in other news, berry is imposing a “dress code” at the bar next week. so all y’all hoodrats raised by dingoes and earthworms – WATCHOUT!
You weren’t crying out for Mama Shanti to save you?
Waitaminnit. I threw up, like, in the bar? Not even the bathroom??
Man.
oh yeah. from your stool. there was a puddle on the floor underneath the videocrackmachine. adding to the ambience.
THEN you got up and violated the men’s restroom.
i hope it was the men’s…
Oh, Gorjus. I enjoy that I have to witness so little of this kind of stuff personally.
That’s a mean case of everyday-poster superiority that Sally has. Well earned, though.
One of these days I’m going to have to see WC Don’s for myself. Hopefully after they clean up your barf.
wow…yer toon made it look like you just barf’d in the bathroom…actually i mis-read it as “Barfroom” for a chuckle.
Public vomiting, eh? Chalk up another one for The Champ!