Today I got some PrettyFakes hate-mail. In its glorious entirety:
Subject: You Should Probably
...just give up your website. I could save myself several hours a week if I didn’t have to check every 5 minutes to see if you’ve posted something.
So she’s not just sick, she’s mean!
I keep meaning to vow that I’ll post everyday; I’ve done it before, and it lasted six or seven minutes before I broke it. But, eh, if it makes Sally happy, I’ll post utter trash five days a week!
First off will be the following “cartoon”: like actual real live artists, I tend to sketch out drawerings before I go over them with ink. Last nite I attempted this process, but due to the true-life exploits chronicled—which had happened about twenty minutes before—I couldn’t quite finish it up.
Here is the script, as near as I can figure:
Setting: W.C. Don’s, Tuesday night, midnightish.
Jaysus: Gorjus, I think you’ve had enough.
Caption: Ten minutes later, in Don’s baffroom:
Gorjus: (vomiting) BLIZZORG!!
Caption: Even l8r
DJ Patrick: Should we call an ambulance?
Jaysus: Son, it is so RAD that somebody barfed in [here tonite.]
The script is culled from true-life events and also this telling exchange of text messages with Jaysus around 1:00 a.m.:
Jaysus: It is so AWESOME that you barfed in here tonight! Seriously.
Gorjus: I am so ashamed.
Jaysus: Do not be ashamed, my child!
Gorjus: I love Jesus!
Yeah. Yeah, I don’t know what was really going down with that, either. Just remember, kids: Budweiser + Sparks Plus (with even more sugar!!) + Goldschlager = BLIZZORG!! (Also: HORK).