Comics Books Are Not Science Fiction, Nerd!

faked by Thursday, May 25th, 2006

So the new X-Men movie is coming out and nerds everywhere are curled into the fetal position, cradling their near-mint copies of Uncanny Nos. 141 and 142 whilst gently rocking back and forth as they imagine the scaly curves of Rebacca Romijn.

I understand that. But I was shocked to hear from an all-new, all-different fan: Sally J. Nordan.

Sally: Bacon.

Gorjus: Ooh, it’s creepy when you whisper it!
Sally: That’s the new style that I’m bringing: “Sally Nordan, horror librarian.” So, do you want to go see a movie with Larry and me?
Gorjus: Um. Are you going to see RV?
Sally: Already seen it. No, the new X-Men is coming out, and it looks really cool.
Gorjus: (spits out Coca-Cola) What?? But that’s . . . that’s science fiction!! Which you hate!
Sally: No, it’s not. It’s comic booky. That’s not science fiction.
Gorjus: (spits out remainder of Coke) What?? It totally is! I mean . . . listen. Wolverine’s skeleton is covered with an unbreakable metal alloy! That’s totally science fiction!
Sally: Nope. Comic books.
Gorjus: You have put me in the totally bogus position of wanting to disagree with you, yet somehow thinking that I can make comics less nerdy by agreeing that they are not science fiction. Damn your eyes! But . . . seriously, why do you want to go?
Sally: I kind of like all the characters. I have to concentrate really hard because there are, like, thirty of them.
Gorjus: Yeah, no kidding. I just don’t understand why “normal people” dig it. I mean, Jean Grey dies, she’s resurrected, she dies again, she’s resurrected . . .
Sally: HEY!! Spoiler warning, ass! I didn’t know she got brought back to life!
Gorjus: Sally, her name is Phoenix. And she came back to life in the comic books in, like, 1983 or something. That’s not much of a spoiler!
Sally: It’s a spoiler to us normal people, you nerd.

FIN

23 Responses to “Comics Books Are Not Science Fiction, Nerd!”

  1. sally says:

    Unbreakable metal alloy, my ass. It’s Huge Assman, and he looks hot!

  2. RD says:

    On the Dell Computer website is a pretty long, pretty cool, “special” X-Menl trailer. Worth watching.

  3. And Jean Grey is in the previews. So…not much spoiler there.

    I gotta vote “sci-fi” for the X-Men movies. In fact, the movies seem to want to emphasize the sci-fi elements of the X-mythos more than the comic booky elements—the leather costumes instead of spandex, all that. And believe us, Sally, the X-Men did some major league sci-fi stuff. Did you know that Professor X had a romantic relationship with a humanoid bird-alien? WELL HE DID. Did you know Cylcops’ father is a SPACE-PIRATE?

    I don’t know why I’m shouting.

  4. Wolverine says:

    I have to agree with Sally: comic books aren’t science fiction.

  5. gorjus says:

    Oh, lord. You brought up the Shi’ar, Prof.—and Corsair. That’s just . . . that’s just too much.

  6. Well, I didn’t mention that Corsair, aka Scott’s father, is in love with a humanoid skunk-woman. Now that would have been too much.

  7. Jaxxie says:

    You boys can keep your bird/skunk/humaniod unholy alliances.
    Sally’s right, it’s all about Hugh Jackman.
    And Jean Gray has really good hair.

  8. pinky says:

    my husband SO looks like Hugh Jackman. damn, I am lucky…

  9. Sue says:

    Wow. The quality of discourse on this website is…indescribable.
    Jean Gray, along with having good hair, bears the name of one of Henry VIII’s six wives. Except spelled with an “e”, I think.
    I feel like I have a whole new insight into Prof’s and Gorjus’s relationship after reading this:

    gorjus Says:
    Oh, lord. You brought up the Shi’ar, Prof.–and Corsair. That’s just . . . that’s just too much.

    Professor Fury Says:
    Well, I didn’t mention that Corsair, aka Scott’s father, is in love with a humanoid skunk-woman. Now that would have been too much.

  10. Mr. Mooch says:

    another secret that lets you know that Jean Grey comes back to life is that she’s on the cover of magazines in costume and stuff. there IS something different about her now that only the nerd elite knows, btw.

    and gorj. she’s not ever been refer’d to as PHOENIX in the movies. :/

  11. Mr. Mooch says:

    as for the movie being comic book-y or sci fi…well, that’s like arguing if The shining was a book or horror.

  12. Amber says:

    I have to agree with Sally here as well…it’s so not sci-fi. I need to get out and see this soon.

    And Pinky, you’re husband looks like Hugh Jackman?! Damn, you ARE lucky…hehe. 😛

  13. sween says:

    Anyone seen it yet… beside ME? (dun-dun-DUN!)

  14. Mr. Mooch says:

    hope to see it in the next day or so. i heard it was good. seems a few million people agreed. saw da vinci instead. good stuff!

  15. Library Guy says:

    Neil Gaiman won a World Fantasy Award for Sandman.

  16. gorjus says:

    I saw it. I wanted to rip the screen to pieces for all of the terribleness.

  17. pinky says:

    WHAT?!? you didn’t love it? you didn’t crave to see it again?!? WHO ARE YOU? I thought it was awesome wrapped in bacon.

  18. sween says:

    Gorjus, allow me to join you in your ripping and add some wailing and rending of garments.

  19. Darren says:

    I didn’t hate about 15 seconds of X3. All 15 seconds were close-ups of Famke Janssen as Phoenix. The other 100 minutes is shit.

  20. gorjus says:

    HA! Darren—you’re DEAD ON. I may do a review of it, in cartoon form. Complete with Sween-approved rending of garments.

  21. HMBT says:

    I like the special effects…they are cool, but the (great should be here) plot was just not there… at least that’s what I thought from a screenplay viewpoint…I kept thinking, so Jean Gray was brought back from the dead just to (painfully long scenes btw) kiss Wolverine? I could not find a even half way good plot which in my humble opinion is the shear awesome-ness of the X-Men in total…I Love comics too…with my own huge collection…and I say comics are neither sci-fi nor ‘comic booky’ (read childish and therefore meaningless)...many are geared for the adult illustrated novel generation…and the precursors (just like sci-fi) for the continued inspiration for perpetual human creation and invention…I mean like ummm… someone had to think it was possible that we could launch ourselves off the globe or be invaded by aliens, see through the human body with X rays… First…what have you, before we could actually do it…flight, math, science, technology on a whole is driven by just this type of creative thinking…so my 2 cents….comic’s are the talismans for our generation…fictionalists/futurists everywhere unite!
    Heather :)
    http://www.badkittyartstudio.blogspot.com

  22. sween says:

    About the only thing that made me at all happy was Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde. Part of that may be because she’s a native Haligonian (go Halifax!). But as Kitty Pryde was always my favourite character and I didn’t hate her in the part, I figure she had to be doing something right. (That’s not to say they gave her much to do. But she at least didn’t suck at what she was doing.)

    And what’s Kitty Pryde without Lockheed?! Bah.

  23. John says:

    Comic books can be science fiction, but most of the time they’re fantasy. Talking about superhero comics, sometimes they try to make it sound scientifically possible (e.g. radioactive spiders) but there’s usually very little scientific basis. Fantasy. Fun fantasy, mind ya. I’d love to be able to fly, walk through walls, or throw flames of fire. All those who bullied me in high school would be ashes, man!