If Pretty Fakes can be said to have a big sister, it’s the wildly popular Sally J. Nordan at The Oh Really.
The number one link people travel through to Pretty Fakes is from The Oh Really. Sally & I both wrote for the seminal catoptric site back in the day, before venturing off to becoming what I like to think of as the “Wings” and “Plastic Ono Band” of the internets.
Okay, that might be making the case a little strongly. It may be more like the Cream and Led Zeppelin of . . . oh, who am I kidding. She’s the Foo Fighters, and I’m Taylor Hawkins & the Coattail Riders. At worst, she’s Paul Simon, and I’m Art Garfunkel.
I often call Sally just to say “I’m bored, please entertain me,” and she will ignore me whilst reading Page Six. Today our standard conversation evolved into a Question and Answer session about the state of the internet, and how she got was introduced to this august medium in which we ply our trade. It went a little something like this:
Gorjus: Okay, so what do you think about the internets? I think they’re hollow and empty.FIN
Sally J. Nordan: Oh, I totally agree, especially today. I feel like how I felt when I first heard about the internets. I couldn’t figure out what you did with it. I went and looked at some Cary Grant websites, and then I was all, ‘well, I’m done!’
G: When was this?
S: Ninety-four. I had a big crush on this one guy, and I totally got an e-mail address so he could write to me.
S: Of course! I still have every have every e-mail he ever wrote me, printed out on a dot-matrix printer at Lee Hall, filed away in a three ring binder.
G: Um . . .
G: Well, back to the subject at hand. Why is the web so worthless? I know you read tons of blogs and trashy news sites.
S: I think it’s just that everyone has to now face the fact that Katie Holmes actually did have a baby, and that sort of ruins the fun.
G: Of the whole web?
S: Of the whole fucking web! Seriously. I can’t tell you how many websites were saying ‘she wore the ten month pillow, and she was supposed to wear the eighth-month pillow,’ and so on. It’s all moot now.
G: What is the website you read that you are most embarrassed of?
S: I’m not going to tell you , because you’ll link to it (laughs). So I’ll just describe it. I read a lot of . . . well, ‘mommy blogs,’ I call them. A lot of stuff about people taking their kids to the park.
G: So, no porn?
S: I did do a search for “Gwen Stefani topless” yesterday.
G: Because you are the most awesome research emporiumist evah!
G: Okay, one last question: is it true that people used to call you “Bang Bang” Nordan back in college?
S: Fuck you.