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Things in My Home That Are So Prevalent That, Were They To Gain a Type of Malevolent Collective Intelligence, Would Pose a Serious Risk to My Physical Well-Being, Especially Regarding the Danger of Asphyxiation.

faked by Monday, October 31st, 2005


Rejected, but realistic alternate candidates:

1980’s Marvel comics
Target floor lamps
Tube soxx
Vintage t-shirts
Arm Hair

This entry was posted on Monday, October 31st, 2005 at 9:34 am and is filed under Cartoons, Gorjus, Poetry, Polaroids. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

10 Responses to “Things in My Home That Are So Prevalent That, Were They To Gain a Type of Malevolent Collective Intelligence, Would Pose a Serious Risk to My Physical Well-Being, Especially Regarding the Danger of Asphyxiation.”

  1. sally says:
    October 31, 2005, at 9:50 am

    As one who has “helped” you clean your house before—i.e., put things in piles while you griped and complained and offered unrealistic reasons why you couldn’t throw anything away—I am happy to see that things have not changed much. Especially the arm hair.

    What about all the old mail? It’s already a malevolent force: it tries to trip and kill you on your way up the stairs.

  2. Polly says:
    October 31, 2005, at 10:05 am

    that old mail stack leaps beyond my old-tyme stacks! BTW, that last panel is one of my alltime favorites. brilliant!

  3. gorjus says:
    October 31, 2005, at 10:39 am

    I have vanquished all old mail! Mail is now dealt with on a daily basis. Bills are paid immediately, and there are no exceptions!

    And, I’m either going to have a winter-time yard sale, or everybody’s getting crazy presents. All I’m sayin’. I’m going the “Real Simple” route!

  4. Professor Fury says:
    October 31, 2005, at 11:41 am

    Oh man! Well, before you throw out those New Yorkers, don’t forget to read the classic John Updike story “A Wealthy Young Man Has Sex and Then an Epiphany.” It’s in every issue.

  5. La Cat says:
    October 31, 2005, at 11:42 am

    Now I know why you just asked for my address. You’re going to send me box of arm hair. Neat.

  6. Darren says:
    October 31, 2005, at 2:03 pm

    Here’s a suggestion for the coat hangers. One of my favorite sculptures at the Hirshhorn Gallery.

    Prof’s comment made me laught out loud. Reminds me of a short, short story a friend of mine wrote as a tribute to Raymond Carver. The plot was a husband and wife grunt at each other then go out for dinner.

  7. pinky says:
    November 1, 2005, at 9:43 am

    i love how you’re choking on poloroids in the last panel!!

    and i think that the arm hair and tube soxx are trying to form together to make some kind of bigfoot version of a sock monkey.

  8. Dr. Wagner says:
    November 1, 2005, at 12:20 pm

    heh, I didn’t see it as him choking on the pic, but that they were spewing forth from his mouth…

  9. Polly says:
    November 1, 2005, at 3:12 pm

    haw! Dr. Wagner, that’s good! which one is it, Gorj??!

  10. PrettyFakes » Blog Archive » Things I Wish I Could Do with My Phone, the Motorola V557. says:
    December 8, 2005, at 9:01 am

    [...] . faked by: gorjus *Now you know why I keep all those coathangers around the haus. I hate this fone so much. Seriously. I wish I could retcon it out of my personal ch [...]