Well, here’s my entry to the great youhavebeenwarned bat-contest of 2005, based upon a series of hijinx in our little neighborhood yesterday.
Sadly, I was dq’d for not turning in my entry on time; Jaxxie Glam called me a little after midnight, saying that I had better hurry up & turn in my effort, but this little bunny was already snuggled up in bed reading Anthony Lane’s “The Current Cinema” in the latest New Yorker (“The new Tim Burton movie stars Johnny Depp as an ageless weirdo, whose magical skills are matched only by his hangups about where he came from and how he is supposed to make friends with regular people. The film is called ‘Edward Scissorhands.’ I beg your pardon. The film is called ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’”).
Dinner was with the Nordan-Ferrari clan, crunchy fajita fries + DGC for them, FDGC for me. We watched some tivo’d So You Think You Can Dance, which was alternately horrifying and delightful. At any given time I would be riveted and then, moments later, screaming for someone to fast-forward because I couldn’t handle the utter and complete shaming I was about to be witness to.
Other than my slack-jawed fascination with the six-foot tall, plaid-beskirted Celtic dancer, I think my favorite part was when host Lauren Sanchez (who I believe we described as “My Little Whore Pony” for the studded outfit and gigantic ponytail she sported) told a dancer it was so nice her father came to support her.
“This isn’t my father,” said the 29-year-old Britneyite, “this is my fiancé.” OUCH. I, for one, thought he was the bouncer from whatever strip club she was about to be late showing up at work for. Question, though: does Carrie Ann EEH-NAH-BAH get to talk? I mean, that is her, isn’t it? Right?
Then Larry got to roll out what he tivo’d, something I hadn’t even heard of yet—Punk: Attitude, a Don Letts-filmed documentary airing on IFC that has tons of new interviews and vintage footage I have never seen before.
Brief sidebar:
Gorjus: Hey, Sally, what was the name of that documentary we watched last night?
Sally: I think it was called, Punk, or something.
Gorjus: No, it wasn’t. It’s not called something that lame.
Sally: (typing) Hmm . . . oh, you’re right! It’s called Punk colon Attitude.
Gorjus: (horrified) NO IT’S NOT!! You’re lying!! That’s a sucksey name!
Sally: Directed by Don Letts, featuring . . . yeah, this is it!
Gorjus: (finding results himself on IMDB) ARGH!! You’re right! Dammit!
Sally: Stick it in your butt!
Gorjus: Ew, what?
Sally: I said, I’m right! So, stick it in your butt!
Gorjus: Stop saying it!
Sally: Stick it in your butt!
(click)
I didn’t get to watch all of it, but what I did see was fascinating. It was just so cool to Pete Shelley and Steve Diggle from the Buzzcocks (whose “Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve)?” I used to dj all the time) talking about when they convinced Malcom McLaren to bring the Sex Pistols up and play, and “half of Joy Divison and Morrissey were at the show,” and wow. Just, wow. That’s the British Ground Zero, in so many ways.
Because I was matlocking, I had to go home, and so I hope we can watch the rest of it later. I’ll even forgive them for spelling ? and the Mysterians’ name “Question Mark and the Mysterions.”
And, today Pinky gets married!! Which reminds me: I gotta go work on some vows for her!
cool post! i like the flaming bat. i hate that i didn’t get to color it just because i live in the ‘ville. and i would looooove to see that documentary. do you remember going to punk shows in b’ham? like when we were 17? v.v. cool.
excited about the wedding?
My favorite thing about those reviews was the line about The Wedding Crashers: “This is a dumb-ass movie about dumb-ass men.” Ha!
P.S. Stick it in your butt!
gorj – I.W. is hott. mount it and bring it to the bar so i can hang it up.
i got three other entries, and they were all awesome and v. creative, so everyone who participated got a dranky drank fo’ free.
jaxxie also brought the goth party soundtrack and made a trophy. we took pictures of it all. she’ll post a detailed recap as soon as she gets around to it over on catoptric.
ps: i found the bat. but the batman had to come and capture him.
that 70s house show is the goddamned worst thing on TV
IW rocks! He should be on T-shirts.
[...] e between L’archie, The Diplobat, and Edyesed. Gorjus, sadly, fell asleep while coloring his bat. Here are the photos of the winning entries: L’archie’s “Carpet Bats” – painstakingly crafted [...]
Had Indigo’s master chosen to, you know, SHOW UP for the contest, she would have won for Bat Most Likely to Coordinate With the Color Scheme in My Living Room as well as Actual Use of Crayola in a Coloring Contest.