PrettyFakes

I was trying to explain to Sally my dream where me & Vendela went to see Blondie at a street party in Fondren. There was a time flibber in the dream—when we got there, I was all “holy jamoley! It’s, like, 1980!”

Debbie Harry was wearing these really Jordache* low-rider jeans and peach-colored lace bra & panties—with no shirt on! At one point during “Dreaming,” she popped out of her bra, causing a near-furor.

The dream needs two points of analysis here: one, from my years of study, Blondie is not the type of girl who would pop out of a bra. She has what the old style books would call a more “modest” figure. So I made up her breasts, apparently.

Secondly, note there was a nearfuror. Halfnaked Blondie did not cause a riot? Very modest crowd. One creepy guy did try to touch her breasts, though, but she slapped his hand away.

So Vendela is all like “this is okay, but I’m really waiting on that guy’s set,” and she points to this pimply square-jawed kid with liberty spikes & a leather jacket. Who dat? I think, but I’m straining indie cred and have to thunk it up on my own: waitaminnit, he looks like . . . and if its 1980ish . . . yes, it’s Ian Mackaye, and Minor Threat are on after Blondie at a street party in Jackson, Mississippi, in 1980. Jordache!

At this point V sort of morphs into Sally, and we’re at a comic book store and there’s a baseball card signing, maybe? And a very short Chicago Cub taps me on the ribs and gives me the heads up. “Who’s that?” asks Sally. “I have no idea,” I truthfully respond.

Then there was some sort of Red Dawn crazy future but we were locked into a secret compound and the bad guy, who was the insane mute brother of the mad scientist-type running the compound, totally wore Boba Fett armor and chased us down. I think Sally got killed at some point, and I found this horrifying swamp where Crazy Boba had thrown all his Star Wars toys and really expensive custom-made set pieces—rebelling, apparently, against his brother, even though Crazy Boba obviously loves Star Wars.

There was a life-size Jabba the Hut swirling under the murky waters, and something drifted by, and even in my fear of imminent murdering and grief over dead Sally I snatched it out of the fetid pool. Jordache, I thought, a Slave I in near-mint condition!

*Sally!! I totally just discovered our new phrase! “That’s totally Jordache.” I am totally into it.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 13th, 2004 at 9:07 am and is filed under Cartoons, Gorjus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.