Developed over a particularly hung-overy drive back to Jaxxon with O’Steen & Chrestman. To be amended as the comments dictate. Only applies to 1993-1997, but questions that apply to before that time will be accpeted.
1. Were you somehow connected with the Highway 82 Revisted compact disc released by WMSV 91.1?
In a band on the comp: +2
Worked at the station concurrently: +1
Made fliers for the shows at Rick’s: 0 (but you’re on the guest list)
2. Were you in a band that ever played live?
Yes: +1
No: 0
Hauled gear for band: 0 (but you were on the guest list)
Yes, but we never played live: -2 (for sissiness)
Add one point for each other band that played live that you were in.
3. Bonus: If so, did your band . . .
Have a girl singer? +1
Have a violin? -1
Cover a Smiths song? +1
Try to get a Smiths song together to cover, but could never nail down the solo in “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”?: -1
If your band was named BIND: -2
If you played, or play, a Guided By Voices cover: +1
4. Have you ever thrown up at a local bar? (“at” including the parking lot of said bar).
At Dave’s Darkhorse Tavern: +1
At Rick’s Cafe Americain: 0
At Mulligan’s: +1 (for old time’s sake)
At Cheers: -2
At Flo & Eddie’s: +1
At the Grill: +1
Harvey’s: +3 (points added for “ritzy” surroundings; plus, you were probably on a date)
5. Bonus: if so, where?
In the parking lot: 0
In the bathroom: +1
In the bar itself: +2
On the damn bar, yee-aw!!: +3
While playing in a band: +2
6. Have you ever slept with Jason Jones?
“Yes, but just once”: +1
“No”: 0
“No, but I tried”: -2
“Yes, and more than once”: -3
7. Have you ever drank hot beer?
Yes: +1
No: -1
I don’t drink beer: -1
I like hot beer now, dammit: +2
8. Have you ever traveled to West Point on a Sunday to buy beer?
Yes: +1
No: 0
9. Did you ever date a girl/boy who is now married to one of your closest friends?
Yes: 0 (wasn’t that wedding awkward?)
No: +1
Oh. You must not have ever heard about that one night at the Octagon House . . .: -1
10. Did you live in Starkville post-graduation?
Less than one year: +1
More than two years: 0
Two to three years: +2
Relocated after a period away: +3
Never graduated, continued to live there, sleep on couches: rock’n’roll.
11. Did you ever work at the radio station?
Yes: +1
No: 0
For more than one year: +2
On salary: -1
Hell, I had sex there: +2
12. Did you ever rent a warehouse for your band to practice in?
Yes: +1
No: 0
13. If so, did you:
Decorate it with posters? +1
Hang stinky old carpet up to deaden the awesome roar of your Marshall stacks? +1
Have a serious conversation once while intoxicated about living there so your rent would be cheaper? +3
14. You worked at:
Bebop: +1
Crossroads: +1
City Bagel: +1
Dave’s: +1
Rick’s: 0
Harvey’s: +1
State (including the library): +1
Papa John’s: +1
15. Were you ever drunk at work?
Yes: +1
No: 0
16. Did you ever have sex on campus in a non-bedroom environment?
Yes: +2
No: 0
Tried, but, well . . . : -1
17: You went to a house party featuring live music at:
The Octagon House: +1
The Crack House: +1
The Water Slide House: +1
The Old Place on Lampkin: +1
The Old Place on Oktoc, a’fore they tore it down: +1
Anywhere else: +1
If you never went, you sucked.
18. Did you get married in the Chapel on campus?
Yes: +5
No: 0
No, but I had sex in there: +5
I got married in there, and I had sex in there!: +10 (only if you married the person you had sex with in the Chapel)
19. Was your drummer or bassist ever in Law of Nature?
Yes: -2
No: 0
Yes, and it was me: -3
Yes, it was me, but I quit: +1
20. You have spent this much money at Dave’s Dark Horse over the years:
$0-$500: 0
$500-$1,000: +1
$1,000-$2,000: +2
Dave called me up last night and asked if I could come over this weekend because it’s been tight lately: +5
21. Did you ever hook up during a blizzard?
Yes: +1
No: 0
No, but I tried: -1
22. Was your . . .
Power ever cut off? +1
Water cut off? +1
Gas cut off? +1
Phone cut off? +1
Gas cut off too early, because you thought the winter was over, but you were dead, dead wrong: -2
Combo: add +1 for each extra utility cut off at the same time!
23. Did you ever . . .
Have sex on a friend’s couch? +2
Throw up at a friend’s house? 0
Pee in a friend’s house? -1
1-5: You were a real Potatobone in college. Why did you even go?
5-10: [tba]
10-15: [tba]
15-20: [tba]
22-40: You’re a White Trash Superman!
I scored a 34. I don’t feel White Trash Superman. I feel more like BHALL. Can you get extra points for going to Max’s Supper Club in Crawford to see Skeleton Crew?
damn, i only got a 12, and i even lied a couple times. i guess i was studying for the MA exam.
and i worked at bulldog deli for a semester (the prototype for mcalister’s). that’s gotta get me something.
what if i had sex at that treehouse with 8 trillion nails made by the autistic guy?
uh . . . what?
well, the scores are made up. some of the “points” you can get are based off of real things. can you guys make up some band-based “you are” things for the scoring? skeleton crew is a good idea.
gene, you get no points for working at bulldog deli. that’s for sorority girls and dorx.
Maybe a few questons to add. (I’ll let you decide + – points)
Hosted a party where:
live band played
someone was arrested
someone caught on fire (yikes!)
public nudity occured
Sat through any band’s practice at the warehouse and:
rocked to the music and drank warm beer
was bored and threw rocks at the old abandoned equipment in the field
wished I’d stayed home and watched porn
Worked with:
Chris Crothers
Steve Cummings
Brumfield
Hadad
I did the following on the Green and White striped couch:
Had sex
Made out
Masturbated
Passed out
Here’s another couple for you, assign the appropriate points.
Did you travel outside of Starkville to watch Bubba Cheese play?
Did you sleep with any of Greaser’s ex-girlfriends?
Were you ever caught in a roadblock near the University Commons?
Did Dickie Honea ever throw up on your shoes?
Yah, I know this reference a bunch of individual folks, but these folks are definitely worth mentioning.
I got a 15. I really scored on the throwing up at various bars question. Not being in a band decreases my score considerably.
However, if you will give me a point due to the fact that I did not have sex with Jason Jones even though he came over and said, “want to have sex?” I will have a 16.
gclark, gross. Did you really do it at the treehouse?
i’ll never tell.
Do I get extra points because I actually made the Hwy. 82 comp? Like, put the whole thing together with Scott Wilson?
35, motherfuckers! Read it and weep!
do i get anything for getting knocked up in starkville?
how about not having sex with jason jones, but having him grab your boobie at a party and say, “no? oops. wrong blonde”?
how many bonus points would you get if you were the one who threw up that bean sprout on the girl’s bathroom wall at dave’s?
14. I should have lied some more.