Archive for July, 2003

thirty million dollars?? thirty million?!

faked by Thursday, July 31st, 2003

we’re going to pay tipsters who led us to the sons of hussein thirty million dollars. thirty million dollars. i really don’t have anything to say to that, other than GIVE THE MONEY TO MISSISSIPPI, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!! WE NEED IT WORSE THAN SOME MOTHERFUCKER WHO POINTED YOU DOWN A DIRT ROAD!! why isn’t our administration offering that kind of long green for us?

state v. kobe.

faked by Thursday, July 31st, 2003

let’s get this right out of the way: i hate basketball, and i’m a feminist. so what do i think about kobe bryant? innocent until proven guilty, sucrose. but like any other amateur law dork, i want to know more about it first. let’s check it out:

kobe’s charged under Colorado Statute ?? 18-3-402(1)(a) and (4)(a)—their sexual assault law.

convoy no more!

faked by Wednesday, July 30th, 2003

finishing off my weekend jaunt to the golden triangle has taken me three days, which wasn’t helped by a drunken spree thru remaining jaxxon bars last nite. i was going to bed early . . . had a couple beers, ate a surprisingly good morningstar “chik’n” pot pie (i love woefully misspelled products), when the fone rangs . . . it’s n-x, all upset because (warning!! SHOCK ahead!!) her boyfriend cheated on her. again.

confidential to bg in athens:

faked by Tuesday, July 29th, 2003

where’s yr shout-outs now, klink-family sucker!

convoy deux!

faked by Tuesday, July 29th, 2003

so saturday morn i hop in the jetta and head over to that fabled land of ladies and mystery, columbus, mississippi. well, fabled to some folks, anyway.

i’ve heard stories from old state alum about the dark days as mississippi a & m college (as it was known then), when they banned all females after riot in the library in montgomery hall over who would pull out the chair of the lone female present. and how they knew there were girls . . . just a few miles over, at the mississippi university for women.


faked by Monday, July 28th, 2003

yessir, it’s that time of year again—when little girls and boys have sore necks and backs from moving antique chifforobes and upset tummies from drinking budweiser! yes, it’s moving time—when all good pals chip in to claim unwanted lp’s and busted end-tables. and it’s a great time!

was it worth it to you, president bush?

faked by Thursday, July 24th, 2003

was it worth having three more american soldiers killed just to bag a couple of saddam’s sons, one of whom probably killed his own sorry self?

the only thing that gives me comfort is that maybe you’re not as dumb as all your critics say you are, and that some spark buried beneath layers of oil and baseball flashes up in the middle of the night—even during your month-long vacations—and that spark, the dull remnant of a thousand lies—makes you just a little bit miserable.

no more razorblades; no more sleeping aides.

faked by Monday, July 21st, 2003

a good band died sunday.

three of the four-boy exploding hearts—whose “razorblades and sleeping aides” was one of my favorite six songs in the first six months of 2003—were killed in a van wreck yesterday morning.

goodbye, cherokee.

faked by Sunday, July 20th, 2003

i’ll let gary pettus’ fine article talk about one of my favorite places in jackson for me.

bush stumbles–it had to happen sooner or later.

faked by Friday, July 18th, 2003

zogby reports new poll data: 47% want the bastard out, compared with 46% who grumblingly say they’d vote for him again. similarly, shrub’s job performance rating is down to almost a pre-9/11 low.

“kick the bastard out!


kick the bastard out!


(to the tune of “who’s smoking the pot?“)