Archive for June, 2003

three million dollars in eight days.

faked by Sunday, June 29th, 2003

this has been a good week for america, with lawrence v. texas rattling all the cages, and with moveon’s internet poll literally changing the face of politics in the united states. i’m happy for governor dean, who—while he didn’t get the 50% needed for an endorsement—still got a hefty chunk. and you can see it in the radical change in financing for dean for america. before moveon and dean’s appearance on meet the press, they had just over three million bucks. now they have over six.

the first time ever i saw your face.

faked by Friday, June 27th, 2003

i was ten years younger and forty-five pounds lighter when this baby-faced kid walks up to me in the lobby of hightower hall. “so, eh, where ya from?”


“oh! do you like auburn or alabama?”



my letter to the associated press.

faked by Thursday, June 26th, 2003

The Associated Press is running their oft-reprinted story on Lawrence v. Texas, entitled “Supreme Court strikes down gay sex ban,” with the following paragraph:

The case began when a neighbor with a grudge faked a distress call to police, telling them that a man was “going crazy” in Lawrence’s apartment. Police went to the apartment, pushed open the door and found the two men having anal sex.

This is misleading. The officers were responding to a report of a “weapons disturbance.” Lawrence v. State, 41 S.W. 3d 349, 350 (2001). This was reported concurrently by the Houston Chronicle’s November 6, 1998 edition, at A1, authored by R.A. Dyer. The Chronicle later reported that the man was convicted for the filing of a false report and briefly imprisoned.

By removing the false report of the weapons disturbance, the AP is not accurately portraying the police officers’ significant reason for intrusion into Mr. Lawrence’s home. Please correct this accordingly.

E-mail the AP at

justice kennedy delivered the opinion of the court.

faked by Thursday, June 26th, 2003

“Liberty protects the person from unwarranted government intrusions into a dwelling or other private places. In our tradition the State is not omnipresent in the home. And there are other spheres of our lives and existence, outside the home, where the State should not be a dominant presence. Freedom extends beyond spatial bounds. Liberty presumes an autonomy of self that includes freedom of thought, belief, expression, and certain intimate conduct. The instant case involves liberty of the person both in its spatial and more transcendent dimensions.”

Lawrence v. Texas, June 26th, 2003.

uranium enrichment? so what.

faked by Wednesday, June 25th, 2003

so we found some decade-old plans in iraq for nuclear weapons? so what. this site will tell you as much as anybody knows. here’s a much more science-based one. i found these sites within thirty seconds on google.

in other words, all they got is the ovaltine code. and gorjus babies, without the little orphan annie decoder badge, they can’t figure it out. you have to have uranium to refine it up to weapons-grade—and like the weapons of mass destruction, you’re not going to find any in iraq. plus, it’s old news: we knew in 1992 they were trying uranium enrichment.

so says this son of an oak ridge native.

goodnight, lester

faked by Wednesday, June 25th, 2003

“Last night I saw Lester Maddox on a TV show

With some smart ass New York Jew

And the Jew laughed at Lester Maddox

And the audience laughed at Lester Maddox too

Well he may be a fool but he’s our fool

If they think they’re better than him they’re wrong.”

Randy Newman, “Rednecks”

Governor Lester Maddox, 1915-2003

please keep in mind efforts of drivers . . .

faked by Tuesday, June 24th, 2003

” . . . when considering tips.” That’s the all-caps caveat on the bottom of the hot-pink Summer 2003 menu for Room Service, L.L.C., of Jackson, Mississippi.

The menu is mostly “sammies,” salads, and soups, with a deep variety of ingredients per sandwich (twelve for the Vegemite, including avocado and sprouts) and breads (seven, including croissants and Hawai’ian bread).

scooped by the agent!

faked by Monday, June 23rd, 2003

as an amateur supreme court watcher, i closely follow cases the big nine decide—those that i can understand. truth be told, many of us can claim an affinity or knowledge of first amendment cases involving speech or religion, but the supremes strut their stuff on a significant number of issues that are intellectually as thick as mud.

like vietnam? good. so does the bush administration.

faked by Monday, June 23rd, 2003

here?s why we?re in trouble: the washington post reports that we?re starting a new army to oversee the iraqi colonial efforts. i mean, liberation. i mean—ah, screw it.

dumb angel.

faked by Tuesday, June 17th, 2003

I’ve been in this little town so long that back in the city I’d be taken for lost and gone, and I?ve been taking a hard look at things that I believe in: especially those little pieces of music that you define yourself with, the invisible skeleton you hang your life on. Let?s get this out in the open: Brian Wilson isn?t who you think he is. What?s worse—and unknown for a long long time—he?s not even who you want him to be.